Attacking the Cause: Relationships

Today we continue discussing attacking the CAUSE (not the symptom). The symptom of our unhappiness is our eating. The cause can be things like money (last week) or relationships.

Here are some tips and insights.

1. 70% of second marriages end in divorce because people expect them to be perfect. No relationship is perfect. They need  work.

2. Most arguments are about things that don't really matter. If you do something the way your spouse wants to do it. What's the worst that can happen?

3. If you argument is escalating, walk away. This has to be done in a mature manner. Say, “I love you, but I'm worried about where this conversation is going. Let's take a (specific time) break and when I return we will continue this conversation.

Some great books on relationships.

Love and Respect by Dr Emerson Eggerichs

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

Stop Hurting the Woman You Love by Charlie Donaldson, Randy Flood, and Elaine Eldridge

4. Don't Look at Your Spouse as your Enemy.

5. Work on YOU. Work on YOU. Work on YOU.

6. Saying “If only they would change, we would be happy. This gives the other person ALL the control over your happiness. If you work on YOU, then you will be a nicer person to be around which may result in them acting in the way you want them to. It starts with you.

7. If you are wishing you could do things like when you were single (play video games all day, etc). Realize you are married now. You have new responsibilities. If you can make this work, you will find more joy than any video game can deliver.

8. We often think we're right based on the thoughts we have in our head. However, based on how we were raised, our experiences, etc and our past may distort how we process information. So if the information we receive gets distorted, then the beliefs we have may will be distorted.  Yes. It may be hard to believe – but you may be wrong.

9. Gentlemen. Women want to feel cherished. Open doors for them. Kiss them frequently. Assume they are not sure if you love them and remind the NUMEROUS times a day. Leave messages, notes, hold her hand, etc. These little tiny things mean a ton.

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